Snapping at Your Family After Shift? Try This

Bart Leger (00:01.802)
Ever find yourself snapping at your loved ones after a grueling day on the job? And you promised yourself that you wouldn't bring the job home. Yet here we are again. Well, you're not alone. It's tough to leave the toxic junk from our day behind and switch off work mode the moment you step through your front door. But what if there was a way to smoothly transition from your professional self?

to your personal life so you can engage with your family calmly and positively without feeling like a pressure cooker, just waiting to let off steam at any moment. In today's episode, we'll explore a simple but effective strategy to help you do just that. Get ready to transform your post -shift routine and bring more peace to the one place that's supposed to be your safe haven.

- - - SHOW INTRO - - - 

Bart Leger (01:05.74)
A while back, I was talking with one of my former deputies. We got on the subject of how we dealt with all the junk we saw and heard during our time. You know what I mean? Everything from seeing people at their worst, hearing about problems you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, graphic scenes, life and death encounters, just all the toxic crap we have to deal with that no human being was wired to have.

or to experience on a regular basis. I asked how he dealt with it and how it affected his family. Well, he went on to explain his after shift ritual. And if you're wondering what it was, I'll get to it a little later. Hang on. I think it'll be worth the wait.

All right. So we've all been there feeling like you're bringing the weight of the world home with you. And the last thing you want to hear the first thing you walk through the door is the refrigerator is on the fritz or little Johnny got an F on his report card today. But what if we could switch gears like flipping a switch, leaving that heavy load of the door up next, we'll look at some solid doable steps to help us do just that.

It's about making sure we're not just physically home, but mentally and emotionally there too. So let's get into how we can make this shift happen. And no, I, I said shift. I had somebody last week say you did say shift with an F right? Oh, well enough of that. All right. Let's, let's look at the problem. You know, the feeling right? You spent the day dealing with the toughest parts of humanity and it sticks to you like glue.

Or you've been listening to other people's problems all day. I know it's a common story. You're there for everyone else and saving lives, making split second decisions under pressure. But then you come home and suddenly the smallest things set you off and you tell yourself, I shouldn't be this way, but it's like, I can't control it.

Bart Leger (03:23.086)
the guilt piles on because you think, if I can handle the crazy stuff at work, why can't I handle the peace at home? Why can't I just relax? But don't fall into the trap like some and blame the job. Sure, you're dealing with other people's problems all day, and that can put you in a bad mood. Dealing with people who would just as soon lie to you or hurt you.

would make just about anyone cynical. But the job is not to blame for everything. We can't just go through our day and blame everything on the job when we get home and being why we deal with our family and our loved ones and our friends the way we do. So don't go on blaming the family, setting you off when you get home. See the choice of how we respond.

is ours. The real problem is not taking the time and doing what you need to do to make the switch between work life and home life. But here's the thing, you're not alone in this. It's a shared battle. And acknowledging it, it's the first step towards turning things around. And as we move from understanding our struggles to taking action,

Let's talk about something that can really make a difference. I like to call it the transition ritual. Think of it as a personal routine you create, a set of actions you do after every shift or every day after work that helps you mentally and emotionally shift gears from work to home. It's like a bridge that helps you leave the stress and the intensity of the job behind. So when you step into your home,

You're more present and ready to enjoy the time with your loved ones. This ritual is your secret weapon, flipping that switch so you can be dad, mom, husband, wife, friend. So let's look at how you can build this ritual into your daily routine. Here's a strategy. Step one in our transition ritual is all about

Bart Leger (05:47.598)
physical decompression. Remember my buddy? Here was his ritual. The moment he got home, he would tell his wife hello and then head straight to his room. She knew his routine. The first thing walking through the door, he didn't want to hear the dryer quit working or the orthodontist said today that Jenny's got to have braces or anything like that. There'd be time for that later. And he let his wife know.

what to expect when he got home. And then once he got to the bedroom, he shed his uniform, get completely undressed and head to the shower. And as the water cascaded down like a refreshing waterfall, he imagined that all the toxic stuff he experienced, saw and heard was being washed away and flowing down the drain.

carrying it away down the pipes and away from his house. You might be asking, can it, can it work for you? Can it work for me? If you try it, it can be an effective way of transitioning from the stresses of work to being fully present at home. Here's the deal. The moment you get home, you start shedding the day's weight by changing out of your work clothes. Think of it as peeling off the day's stress layer.

by layer, then head straight for a shower or bath and let the water wash away, not just the grime, but the tension, the sights and the sounds of the day. It's like hitting a reset button on your body signaling that that works over and it's time to relax. Now this step is crucial because it's not just about cleanliness, although that's important. It's about telling your brain,

and your body. Hey, we are shifting gears now. Step number two, mental unloading. And it's all about clearing your head after physically stepping out of your workday gear. It's time to tackle the mental load after his shower. My friend would lay across the bed and allow his mind to quieten down and stop racing by

Bart Leger (08:13.686)
remembering his favorite fishing trip or maybe a walk through the woods that he had. He said also sometimes he would drift away for a short nap. One thing that I found that helps me when I've had a particularly grueling day or had to bite my tongue so that I didn't give my supervisor a piece of my mind is to grab a piece of paper or journal some days and spill my thoughts from the day.

onto the page. Now, no filter needed. This isn't just about venting. It's, it's about letting things go. Anything goes, write it all down. As I like to say, just verbally vomit all over the page. Get it out of your system. Just like your body does when it needs to get rid of a toxin, a toxin in your system. Think of it as ridding yourself of psychological or emotional toxins.

Then I recommend shred it or burn it. Oh, please don't write it electronically. The forensic texts tell me that nothing's ever completely erased. If you just delete it, this whole process is just simply to, to get the stuff out of your head, the stuff that you wanted to say all day, wish you could have said, you just write it all down. And then you take that paper and you shred it, you burn it.

And just imagine that as you're doing so, it all just goes away and you don't have to think of it right now. Another thing you could do is sit quietly and practice a few minutes of meditation or some deep breathing exercise. Exercise is the thing about our day is we normally don't breathe deeply enough during the day.

We usually shallow breathe throughout our day and it keeps our brain from getting enough oxygen or enough oxygen as it might need. So take some time to do some deep breathing exercises. It will accomplish a number of things. It will slow your rate of respiration. It will slow your heart rate. It will engage your parasympathetic nervous system. And you find that you're going to begin to relax.

Bart Leger (10:41.55)
a bit more. So when you're practicing meditation, I don't necessarily mean crossing your legs, touching your middle fingers with your thumbs and saying, although if that floats your boat, go for it. It's simply focusing on each breath, letting your workday worries drift away with every exhale. Some other strategies might be visualizing a peaceful scene or

telling yourself you're home and it's time to switch gears. This step's important for making peace with the day's events and also mentally preparing yourself to fully engage with your personal life. Step three is emotional reset. Now your mind is clearer. It's time to shift your emotions to a positive space, listening to your favorite music.

can be a game changer or anything else that would, would lift your mood. Or if you're in need of a laugh, watch some funny videos or reels. Those can lighten your spirits. Now these activities aren't just distractions. They're a way to actively shift your emotional state, making you ready and hopefully rejuvenated to enjoy quality time with your family.

Or on your personal hobbies. What this step does is it helps bridge the gap between work stress and home peace. Now for step four, preparing to engage with your family, your friends, uh, and others. This is where you set the stage for your home life. Before you step through the door, take a moment to let go of any residual stress. Here's where my friend.

would put on some casual clothes, walk out of the bedroom, greet his wife with a big hug and ask her about her day. She also had permission to let him know of anything that needed his attention. Think of a family ritual or a specific greeting that marks your transition home. It might be a hug, a special handshake, secret handshake with your kids or sharing

Bart Leger (13:10.51)
a positive thing from every day's day at the dinner table. This isn't just about actions. It's about mentally preparing yourself to be fully present with your loved ones. It's your signal that it's family time now, and it's a clear switch from work to home mode. And finally, here are some suggestions to integrate. How would you integrate this ritual into your routine? Regardless of if you have time, there are some days where

You may have something that's scheduled. There will be some time constraints. But here's the thing. Consistency is key. Try to perform your transition ritual at the same time after every shift or every day after you get home and creating a predictable pattern that your mind and your body can adapt to. And adapt to your environment. If you're short on time, modify.

your ritual to fit whatever time schedule you may have. Even a few minutes of focused activity can be effective. Another thing you can do, and I do this myself, is set reminders. Use alarms or notes as cues to begin your ritual, helping to establish it as a non -negotiable part of your day, and then involve your family.

share your ritual with your loved ones. Let them know when you get home that you need a little bit of time to decompress, to not just unload on you all the day's problems or how bad of a day they had. There'll be time for that. Just ask them for their permission to let you have a few minutes on your own so you can unwind, you can decompress so that when you come back out,

then you can be who you need to be for them. See their support can make it easier for you to stick to your routine. And then think about the benefits. Regularly remind yourself of the rituals, positive impact on your wellbeing and your family life. And it can motivate you to maintain it. I remember another individual, this, this person was a state trooper.

Bart Leger (15:37.23)
And she said, what helped her flip that switch in her brain was when she would drive her unit into her driveway and she would park in her usual parking spot. She would flip the visor down and there on the visor, like, like most of us had, had a picture of her family and she would take a moment. She would take a deep breath. She would look at her family and this is what she would tell herself.

She would say, it's about them stupid. And she would flip the visor back up, get out of her, her unit, close the door and walk into the house. And that was her, her mental reset button, if you will, to help her to realize that when she's home, it's about her family. It's, it was not about her day. Now this transition ritual is for the everyday.

crappy stuff we all have to deal with. But if you've been through a traumatic incident, consider reaching out to one of your peers who have been trained in peer support. If your organization has such a thing, or if you're experiencing symptoms that interfere significantly with your work or your quality of life, by all means seek out your primary care physician, your EAP or a trusted counselor familiar and competent working

with those in your profession. If in doubt, always seek help. I hear all too often from those whose lives have ridden off the rails, I wish I'd have reached out to someone a year ago or two years ago. Don't be that person. You owe it to yourself and to those you care about. And know this, you're not alone.

Thank you so much for joining us today for our first episode of the Surviving Your Shift podcast. If you want to take the next step in transitioning from work to home, download the Transition Ritual Guide, a short ebook on finding peace after work. The link is in the show notes. And if you found value in today's episode and our tips on transitioning from work stress to home peace,

Bart Leger (18:02.542)
Don't forget to hit that subscribe button and leave a review. Tell us what hit home for you. Your insights help us grow and create a community that supports one another. Do you ever wonder if there's anyone out there that gets you? Does it feel like no one could possibly understand what you're going through? It may even feel as if those around you have moved on with their lives while you're alone.

There is someone who understands and is ready to listen. Join me next week as I interview Cherie Castellano, a national expert in the field of peer support as we talk about sharing with others who understand us and how serving others might just serve you. Till next week, let's learn how to thrive, not just survive.