I’m Thinking of Suicide. Now What?

Please be advised, in this episode, I'm talking about a sensitive and painful subject, suicide. If you have been personally touched by suicide, have yet to heal, or know you're easily triggered, please stay attuned to how you're impacted and seek professional support as needed. If you're in crisis, please, right now in the US dial 988 to talk to someone who understands or text hello to 741741. 

Bart Leger (00:41.326)

Emotional pain is real. No matter what people say, it's not easy walking each day without hope and feeling like you can't go on. It's also tough for us to say goodbye. I was reminded just this week of the tragic loss of Boston police retired dispatcher, Nicole Ford, who lost her battle with depression a short while back. Some of you may have even seen her in the film PTSD 911.

And I know firsthand what it feels like to think all my troubles would be over if I wasn't on this earth any longer. And there are many who have thought the same thing. In this episode, we're diving into a really tough topic, suicide. It's something that's hard to talk about, but it's so important. If you're a first responder or anyone who regularly deals with other people's mad, sad and bad days, you know the weight of the world can sometimes feel like it's on your shoulders. The daily stress, the trauma and the pressures can pile up, making it feel like there's no way out. Even if that little voice in your head is telling you it's no use, it won't make any difference, talking about it openly and honestly can be the first step in finding hope and help. My goal in this episode is simple, to offer you hope and encourage anyone who might be considering ending their life to reach out for help. If you're feeling an overwhelming urge just to let go, or you're hopeless, or like you can't go on, this episode is for you. I want you to know that you're not alone and that there are people who care deeply about your well-being. There's always hope.

And there are steps you can take to start feeling better. Let's get through this together. And the first thing I want you to know about suicide is that you don't have to be crazy to think about it, or for that matter, even to try it. Suicide is a solution to your pain, but it's not the only solution because suicide is a forever decision.

Now, I may not know your exact situation, but I know what you've been through. I understand a little bit about that constant weight that never lets up. The pain you're feeling isn't just a bad day. It's a weight that sits with you constantly. It's not just the job. It's everything piling up. The stuff from work just mashes all together with everyday life: bills, family responsibilities, and personal expectations.

Bart Leger (03:56.141)

You feel like you're being crushed from all sides. Maybe it's a recent loss, a breakup, or perhaps feeling like a miserable failure. But if there's one thing I've learned in this life, it's that things are never as good as they seem, and things are never as bad as they feel. The combination of work stress and life pressures can make you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. You might think, I should be able to handle this, but it feels like you're sinking deeper every day. Sometimes it feels like the only escape from the pain is to end it all. These thoughts can make you feel trapped.

But I want you to know that these feelings are a sign that you need help, not that you're weak. Reaching out is your first step towards finding relief and hope. You're not alone, and there are people and resources ready to support you through this.

Bart Leger (05:13.165)

Now, it's normal to feel overwhelmed, hopeless, and isolated. You might think, I should be able to handle this, but the truth is, no one is immune to the toll this job can take. It's easy to fall into thinking that no one understands what you're going through or that you're burdening others by sharing your struggles. You might even feel like you're at the end of your rope thinking about giving up because of the pain, and it feels unbearable. Well, you're not the only one. Many first responders and others who are in high-stress careers struggle with suicide, depression, anxiety, compassion fatigue, and even addiction. It's not uncommon to suffer through years of numbing, isolation, taking 10 sleeping pills, and sleeping for hours when you get home.

I know it might seem like there's no way out right now, but I want you to know that it is possible to feel better. Others have been where you are and have found a path to healing. I've known and helped others who were once at the brink take steps to get help and slowly start to reclaim their lives. They reached out, got the support they needed, and over time they were able to find joy and purpose again.

Bart Leger (06:46.733)

I remember it was a little after midnight, and my cell phone rang beside the bed. Still half asleep, I picked it up, and the next words cut through my sleepy haze like a knife. I'm about to eat my gun. Sam, not his real name, was in crisis. He had been drinking. He just wanted the pain to go away. I think you know what I'm talking about, but...

He took a step in the right direction. He called. It wasn't easy, and it didn't happen overnight, but he ended up getting the help that he needed, and you can too. Because reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes a strong person to reach out for help and know that there's others there.

Because on the job, no matter what your job is, whether it's police, fire, EMS, or the medical profession, whatever it is, you know that there are others out there that have your back when you're on the job, but it's the same when you need help and there's a pain and you wonder if it's even possible to go on. Just reach out for help.

Because it takes incredible courage to admit that you're struggling and to reach out for support. I've said it before, but you're not alone in this. There are people who care about you and want to help you through this tough time. Friends, family and colleagues, even mental health professionals. There are many people who are ready to listen and offer support. It's okay to lean on others. You don't have to carry this burden by yourself. Taking that first step, to ask for help can make a huge difference and is the key to finding your way back to a place of hope and healing.

Bart Leger (08:51.175)

Now, first, I want you to be honest with yourself about how you're feeling. Are you sad all the time, withdrawn, or just want to go to sleep and not wake up? These are serious signs that something is wrong. You might feel like you're just tired or stressed, but if these feelings don't go away, it's important to admit them.

Bart Leger (09:23.911)

Pay attention if you're losing interest in things you once enjoyed, or if you're isolating yourself from others or feeling hopeless. Recognizing these signs is the first step to getting the help you need. And talking to someone you trust about your feelings can be really tough, but it's a critical first step. Start by saying something simple like, I'm really struggling and I need someone to talk to. You don't have to dive into all the details right away. Just...

Let them know you're having a hard time. Choose someone who you feel comfortable with, whether it's a friend or family member or a peer, or reach out to me. I'll listen. Remember, people who care about you will want to help, even if they don't have all the answers. You may not like hearing this next one, but reaching out to mental health professionals can be one of your best decisions.

They have the training and the experience to help you navigate these tough times. Consider calling a hotline such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Let me say that again, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline where trained listeners are available 24 -7. Look into finding a counselor or a therapist who specializes in helping first responders. Many workplaces also offer peer support programs where you can talk to someone who understands the unique stresses of your job. Don't hesitate to use these resources. They're there to help you.

Bart Leger (11:05.351)

Next, building a support network is a must for your ongoing support and resilience. Surround yourself with friends, family, and peers who understand and support you. Let them know how they can help, whether it's just being there to listen, helping with daily tasks, or spending time together. You may consider joining a support group either in person or online where you can connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Because having a strong support system can make a huge, huge difference in your ability to cope and recover. But you've got to do something and don't give the typical BS, I'm okay, or I'm fine when somebody asks how you're doing. You can tell... if they really want to know and sense something's wrong. Don't hold it in. This is not something to play around with because your life depends on it. And don't buy into the lie that they'll be better off without you.

Do you love your family? Do you have kids, grandkids? Would you want them to end their life? I want you to know something. Individuals who've had a family member complete suicide have a greater than two -fold risk of completing suicide themselves. Now, is that the legacy you want to leave? I don't think so. If you're in suicidal crisis, I want you to reach out right now and ask for help.

Do you have a plan worked out for ending your life? Do you have the means for carrying it out? Then stop right now. If you're not alone, let somebody know right now you need help. If you are alone, dial 988 for the suicide and crisis lifeline. A trained helper will talk with you. Otherwise, there are some things you can do to take care of yourself. These are obviously when you're out of the window of crisis.

Bart Leger (13:15.975)

But there are simple practices and they can make a big difference in managing your stress.

Bart Leger (13:24.423)

First thing, get active, even if it's just a short walk or a quick workout. Physical activity helps to release tension and improve your mood. Hobbies are another great way to unwind, whether it's reading, painting, gardening, or anything else you enjoy. Mindfulness and meditation can also be very helpful. Spend a few minutes each day focusing on your breathing or simply being present in the moment because...

These activities help ground you and provide a break from stress. Staying connected with loved ones is important. Make time to regularly check in with family and friends. A quick phone call, a text, or even a coffee break with someone you trust can make a huge difference. Let your support network know how you're feeling and don't hesitate to reach out when you need to talk. Connections, help you feel less isolated and remind you that you're not alone. Regular contact with your support network can provide comfort and reassurance.

Bart Leger (14:35.591)

It's also important to celebrate the small victories in your mental health journey. Progress might be slow, but every step forward counts. Acknowledge the positive changes you're making, no matter how small they seem. Did you manage to get out of bed and go for a walk this morning? Well, that's a win. Did you reach out to a friend when you're feeling down? Another win. These small achievements add up and help build momentum. Remind yourself that you're doing your best and that every bit of progress is a step towards feeling better. And as we get ready to end this episode, I want you to be honest with yourself and reach out for help. Starting the conversation, seeking professional support, and building a strong network of friends, family, and peers can make a huge difference.

Taking care of yourself and staying connected with loved ones are also key to managing life stressors and maintaining your mental health. And remember, celebrating small victories along the way is important too. If you're thinking about ending your life, please hear me out. Your life is incredibly valuable and there are people who care deeply about you. It's okay to feel overwhelmed, but you don't have to go through this alone.

Reaching out for help is a brave and a strong thing to do. Talk to someone you trust, call a crisis hotline, or seek professional support. The numbers are in the show notes, and taking that first step can be the beginning of feeling better and finding hope again. I'm here for you.

Bart Leger (16:33.639)

If you found this episode helpful, please share it with others who might benefit from it. Also, don't forget to follow this podcast so you won't miss future episodes. Your feedback is incredibly valuable, so please leave a review at rate this podcast dot com forward slash surviving and let me know what resonated with you. Together we can spread awareness and support to those who needed most. Thank you for listening.

And remember, you're not alone. We're here for you.

Bart Leger (17:12.263)

Retirement is coming and it can be both exciting and scary. You're actually excited about retiring, dreaming of all the fishing and traveling and time with grandkids you've put off, but you're wondering if you're really ready to let go. Am I really ready to retire? In the next episode, I'll be breaking down five simple steps to help you get ready for this big change. Stick around.

I'll see you on that episode. Till next time, let's learn how to thrive, not just survive.