Stop Trying to Balance Work and Home Life. Here's Why

Bart Leger (00:00)

Do you ever feel like you're juggling too many balls, trying to give equal time to work at home, but ending up feeling guilty and stretched too thin? You're not alone. In today's episode, we tackle this common struggle head on. Keep listening to find out why it's okay to stop trying to be everywhere at once.

Welcome back. This is episode 14 and today we're discussing why you should stop trying to balance work and home life because it's not working. Recently, I was messaging back and forth with my launch team and the subject of balancing the job and family came up or rather, why that's an impossible concept. One listener shared how they learned this firsthand, which brings me to what we're talking about today. The thing that keeps most of us feeling guilty and stretched too thin. The problem, too many think that balance means giving everything equal time and attention. We feel guilty or at least sometimes we're made to feel guilty because we're spending too much time at work and worrying we're not there enough for our families. It's a vicious cycle and it's exhausting. But let's be real, that just leads to more stress and burnout. Well, you're not the only one feeling that way. We're committed to our careers and we love our families, but trying to balance them equally feels like an impossible task.

This constant tug of war leaves us feeling stretched too thin, always worried that we're letting someone down. But what if there's a better way? What if we could integrate our work and home life in a way that allows us to be fully present where we are so we don't have to feel guilty? Well, that's what we're going to explore today. Well, the reality of the work you do is that there is always more that you could do.

And what about the paperwork? And how many of you have worked over trying to get reports finished before you go home? Or who hasn't gotten the call to come in on their day off because they're short-handed?

So what do we do? Maybe we need to rethink what balance really means. True balance isn't about giving everything equal time. It's about integrating your work and home life in a way that works for you. Imagine your time and energy as a pie. It's a whole pie. And I like pie and I'm more of a pie than a cake person, but I digress. No matter how many times you slice it, you only have so much pie to go around. Makes me think of Sunday dinner. You know, when mom asked if you wanted a piece of pie, the wheels start turning. You know you can't take the whole pie for yourself, but how much can you get away with? If you get too big of a piece, your brother will be mad at you, and your sister might stab you with her fork.

You see, the bigger piece you take leaves less for everybody else. Just like that pie, you can't give more than 100%, but you can move your time and priorities around to fit your needs without feeling guilty. Think about it. Some days, work needs more attention. And other days, your family needs more of you. And that's okay, because it's not about splitting your day evenly.

It's about making sure that over time, everything gets what it needs. This way, you're not stretched too thin trying to do everything at once.

The big part of this is creating what I call margin in your life. Margin is like a buffer zone. Margin is not taking on so much extra that we don't have time around the edges to breathe. It's the extra space in our life. It's also the extra space that lets you switch from work mode to home mode without dragging one into the other. I talked about this in a previous episode about creating a transition ritual.

One example would be taking a short walk after work so you can clear your mind and be more present with your family when you get home. When you have more margin, you're more effective at work because you're not worried about home stuff and you're more present at home because you're not thinking about work. It's about being fully where you are at any given moment. By focusing on integration rather than equal balance, you can prioritize what's important without feeling guilty. You can move your time around to fit what's needed most at the moment and that way you're ensuring that you're giving your best where it counts. This shift in thinking can reduce your stress and it can help you feel more in control of your life. So, how can we do this?

Well, here's five practical things you can try to help you get started. First, take a step back and think about what's most important to you at work and what's most important to you at home. What are the main things that need your attention on the job this week? Maybe it's your regular shift, having to work one or two days over, or maybe it's in-service training. At home, what matters and what moments matter most rather. It could be family dinners, helping your kids with homework, awards day at school, or maybe just simply spending quality time with your partner. What I want you to do is I want you to write these down so you have a clear picture of what needs your focus. And then next, use a planner or a scheduling app to block out time for both work and home activities.

Make sure to include the work responsibilities and those important family moments. For instance, if you know you've got to work over this week or will be working a holiday, don't feel guilty, but also set aside time when you're home for family activities. Give it your all when you're at work, but plan on being fully present when you're home. By planning ahead, you can make sure that you're giving attention to both areas without letting one overshadow the other. This helps you stay organized and reduces the stress of trying to juggle everything on the fly.

Second, create margin. I know I mentioned this before, but creating margin means giving yourself some breathing room between work and home activities. Build in buffer times between your shifts and family. For example, if you finish your shift at 5:00 pm don't schedule anything right at 5:30 p.m. Instead, give yourself some time to decompress. This could be a simple 15 to 30 minute buffer where you can relax and clear your mind.

It helps you not to carry the stress of work straight into your home life.

Use transition rituals to help switch gears mentally from work to home. This could be a brief walk around the block, a quick workout or a relaxing shower. You can go back to the episode on transition rituals. I'll put that link in the show notes, but these act as a reset button, helping you leave work behind and get into a more relaxed and present mindset with your family. By creating these small buffers, you're able to be more effective and you can be present in both areas of your life. Thirdly, communicate with your family. You need to have an open discussion with your family about your work schedule and commitments. Sit down with them and explain the demands of your job and why. Sometimes you need to prioritize work and then let them know your schedule ahead of time so they aren't caught off guard when you have to stay late or be on call. What this transparency does is it helps them understand what you're dealing with and hopefully will reduce misunderstandings.

So by doing so, you're setting realistic expectations and you're finding ways to spend quality time together, even if it's not a lot of time. Maybe you can't be home for dinner every night, but you can make sure to have breakfast together a few times a week. Plan special activities on your days off, like family game nights or outings. Just do something together. Doesn't matter what it is.

The key is to make the time you have together meaningful by communicating openly and setting some realistic expectations. You can strengthen your family relationships and then make sure everyone feels valued and supported. Step four, be present. When you're with your family, make a conscious effort to be fully present. This means putting away distractions like phones, emails, and yes, even your work-related thoughts. Set your phone to silent or leave it in another room so you're not tempted to check it every few minutes. Talk. This is something we need to do. I know sometimes what we do is we think we're protecting our family when we don't talk about the work, don't talk about the job, but we need to keep them involved. Otherwise, they'll think that we're hiding something from them or that we don't care about them. One of the things that we learned as a couple, because when I first started out, I didn't really want to talk too much about the job, afraid that I would bring it home and hurt her. But eventually, we started talking a little bit more, and my wife learned that when I would get home from work or if I would get called out on a particularly bad call, she would ask me how it went and I would begin telling her and when things got a little bit too heavy or things got a little bit too graphic, she would say, okay, that's enough. So talk with your family, spend some time playing with your kids if you have kids at home and really listen to what your family members are saying. This shows them that there are your priority during this time and it helps you create some meaningful connections. And then at work, focus on your job, knowing that you've set aside time for your family later. When you're at work, dive into your duties with full attention. Not only might this potentially keep you alive, but it also allows you to be more productive and efficient so you can hopefully finish your work and be free of work related stress when you're home. Remind yourself that you've planned quality time with your family, which hopefully will help ease any guilt or anxiety about not being there at the moment.

By being present in both work and home environments, you can perform better and hopefully enjoy a more relaxed personal life. And then lastly, the fifth thing, practice self care. Make time for activities that recharge you like hobbies. And don't be like everyone else that I ask, what's your hobbies? And they say, well, my hobby is work or I don't have any hobbies. Find a hobby. Find something that, that fulfills you that you can enjoy. Make time for exercise or just some quiet time. It's easy to put yourself last when you're busy with work and family, but taking care of yourself is a must. Whether it's going for a run, going to the gym, reading a book, or spending time on that hobby that you've just taken up that you can love, these activities help you relax and recharge.

Schedule these self-care activities into your week, just like you would any other important appointment. This way, you're more likely to stick to them and get the break you need.

Understand that taking care of yourself helps you be more present and effective in both work and home life. When you're well rested and less stressed, you can focus better at work and be more engaged at home. It's like the saying goes, you can't pour from an empty cup. By making yourself care a priority, you're not being selfish. You're making sure you have the energy and the mental clarity to support your family and perform well at your job.

So don't feel guilty about taking that time for yourself. It's an important part of a well-lived life. So remember, life's like pie. There's only so much to go around. Make the best of it and enjoy it while you can.

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Are you a rookie feeling like you've been punched in the gut by the emotional toll of your new job? Or maybe you've been at it for a few years and to borrow a phrase from a friend of mine, isolation, alcohol and agitation are your new normal. You're not alone in the next episode. I'll give you the top 10 things I wish someone had told me when I was starting out. Stick around. I'll see you on that episode till next time.

Let's learn how to thrive, not just survive.