10 Strategies for Dealing with Missing Family Events

Missing family events because of shift work or being on call is tough. We’ll explore practical strategies for staying connected with your loved ones, even when you can’t be there in person. From using technology to creating flexible celebrations, we’ll discuss ways to bridge the gap and keep your family bonds strong. Join us to learn how to turn these challenges into opportunities for deeper connections. Don’t go away!

Show Intro

I know firsthand how hard it can be to miss family events because of shift work and being on call. I’ve missed my share of special moments with my family. Many holidays missed. For most of my career, it was being on call that made life difficult. Too many times, my wife and I had to take separate vehicles if we went out to eat. And there were times when I wasn’t on call and still got called out. The guilt and frustration can be overwhelming, and it’s easy to feel disconnected from the ones you love. But over the years, I’ve found some strategies that can help bridge that gap and keep those family bonds strong, even when you can’t be there in person. 

Alright, let’s look at some practical strategies to help you stay connected with your family, even when you can’t be there in person.

First, consider being present virtually.
Using technology can really help bridge the gap when you’re missing out on family events. Set up video calls during important moments. For instance, if you’re missing a birthday, hop on a video call to sing “Happy Birthday” and watch the cake cutting. If you can’t be there live, record a video message for your loved ones to watch during the event. This way, you’re still present in a meaningful way, even from afar.

Next, make it a point to schedule quality time.
Make the most of the time you do have by planning special activities on your days off. If you know you’ll miss Christmas Day, plan a special celebration on another day when you’re off. So what if you have Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, or even the day before? Create new family traditions that don’t depend on specific dates. One way would be to celebrate birthdays the weekend before or after the actual date. Prioritize these moments to show your family they matter, even if you can’t be there on the exact day.

Another key strategy is Communication.
Keeping the lines of communication open with your family is really important. Share your work schedule in advance so everyone knows what to expect. Use a family calendar app to keep track of important events and find ways to stay involved. If you can’t attend a school play, ask your spouse to record it so you can watch it together later. Regularly updating your family on your availability helps manage expectations and shows that you care about staying connected.

Next, try involving your family in your work life.
Helping your family understand your work can bring you closer. Share stories about your day, and if possible, invite them to visit your workplace. For example, a tour of the fire station, the police department, or the emergency room can be exciting for kids and helps them see where you spend your time. This not only educates them about your job but also makes them feel included in your work life.

Creating Keepsakes is another great strategy.
Leave tangible reminders of your presence for special occasions. Write letters or notes for your kids to open when you’re not there. For instance, a note saying, “I’m proud of you,” left for your child on their first day of school can mean the world to them. My wife would do stuff like this for me as well. I carried a backpack in my unit all the time. I always brought it in when I came home.  I often found a little handwritten note in the pocket where I kept my snacks. You could create a family photo album or video diary to look back on shared memories. These keepsakes can go a long way toward keeping you close together as the years go by.

Flexible Celebrations can also help manage the disappointment of missing important events.
Plan to celebrate holidays or special occasions early or late to fit your schedule. For example, have an early Christmas on the 23rd if you’re working on the 24th and 25th. I don’t think your kids would mind opening their presents a bit early. Being flexible with dates can make the celebrations just as special.

Consider Joining Up with Other Families.
Connecting with families who understand your lifestyle can provide support. Organize gatherings with other peer families who are also navigating shift work. For example, host a potluck dinner with other families on a night you’re all off. This creates a support network and helps everyone feel less isolated.

Donating Your Time is another meaningful way to stay connected.
Volunteering together as a family can create meaningful experiences and strengthen your bond. Find community service projects you can do as a family, such as serving meals at a shelter. This not only helps others but also reinforces the values of generosity and gratitude.

Planning Ahead is key to managing expectations and reducing stress.
Discuss holiday plans well in advance with your family, so everyone knows what to expect. For example, if you’re working on Thanksgiving, plan a special dinner the weekend before. Being proactive helps you and your family feel more in control and prepared.

Finally, Model Flexibility for Your Kids.
Teach your children to adapt to changes by modeling flexibility. Involve them in planning alternative celebrations and help them see the positives in the situation. For example, if you’re missing Halloween, plan a special costume party at home on your next day off. Showing your kids how to handle disappointments with a positive attitude helps them build resilience.

Hopefully, by being flexible, proactive, and by implementing these strategies, you can maintain strong family connections, even when work keeps you away from home. Remember, it’s not about the specific day, but the quality of the time you spend together.

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Have you ever felt overwhelming guilt or shame after making a tough call, like choosing one life over another or witnessing a tragedy you couldn’t prevent? These experiences can deeply affect us. We’ll break down what moral injury is, its impact on our mental health, and practical strategies to cope. From peer support to self-care, this episode offers essential tools to help you navigate these emotional battles. Don’t miss it—tune in to learn how to heal and move forward. Stick around. I’ll see you on that episode. Till next time, “Let’s learn how to thrive, not just survive.”